BDSM starter kit

BDSM starter kit. The basics of safe bdsm

BDSM is an acronym for Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), and Sadism and Masochism (SM). It encompasses a variety of practices and scenarios which may involve power dynamics, physical and mental restraint, exploration, and yes some situations may include pain. While this is an enriching and exciting world for many, it is essential to approach it with an understanding and emphasis on safety, consent, and communication. 

First of all, your absolute number one point will always be consent. Everyone involved must give informed, enthusiastic, and have ongoing consent with regular check ins. This means that everyone should fully understand what will take place and agree without any form of coercion.

Communication is equally as vital and discussions which include boundaries, limits and expectations before engaging in a BDSM scene, scenario or relationship. Negotiations before any activities is important for ensuring everyone involved is comfortable, what they are curious about, and what they absolutely want to avoid. Establishing safe words and/or signals is essential for communication during a scene. Common safe words are “red” for stop, “yellow” for a break or a change of some sort but definitely a good check in time, and “green” for go ahead.

Boundaries and limits must play a role in your scenes, dynamics and relationships. Boundaries or hard limits are lines that must not be crossed. These can be physical, emotional or psychological. Discussing and respecting these boundaries is non-negotiable. There may be hard and soft limits which must be discussed before starting a scene or any sort of bdsm relationship or scenario. A soft limit may involve an activity that a person may hesitate about but may be open to exploring under certain conditions.

Physical safety is a very important considerations. Educate yourself of the possible risks of any type of play or scenario. Having safety equipment at the ready and a way to call for help or assistance if needed, such as having someone to monitor or at least a cel phone close by to call 911 if an emergency arises. And of course having a good basic understanding of first aid and a first aid kit close by. The bottom line is that you must be aware and prepare of any possible situations that may be truly unsafe and have a way to handle them.

Emotional safety is a component which should be discussed beforehand as well. This may include limits such as acceptable and unacceptable wording or sensitive areas on the body. Please keep in mind, play may bring up traumas and because of this care and consideration must always be taken into account. Aftercare is extremely important for some and not at all for others. Emotional needs of all parties involved must be considered and handled appropriately. Aftercare options may include cuddling, food, talking, sex, alone time or whatever is felt needed by the persons involved. Discuss the scene and take an overview of how things progressed, what was good and what was not, what to do again, and what to avoid. If traumas become evident please consider avoiding certain scenes or scenarios and consider seeking professional help.

Know the law. Familiarize yourself with local laws regarding BDSM activities. Some practices may be illegal or fall into legal grey areas.

Discretion. Be mindful of privacy and discretion, especially when sharing information or participating in public events.

Respect and Integrity. Treat all participants with respect and integrity. Do not pressure or coerce anyone into participating in activities they are uncomfortable with and be honest and open about your experience level, intentions, and any potential risks. 

Resources and community. Read reputable books and guides on BDSM. Some recommended titles include “The New Topping Book” and “The New Bottoming Book” by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy. Attend local workshops and classes from experienced practitioners and connect with your local BDSM community. Seek out and get to know trusted members of your local community and get them to help you in your search for events and play partners. And definitely find a mentor.

And last but not least, trust your gut! And have fun. 

If you have questions please don’t hesitate to send an email to totalsubmissionmfg@gmail.com. I am happy to answer any questions and do wish to inform and help you as much as I can. Your safety, success and happiness are of utmost importance to me.  

Happy kinking