Consent

Consent is the key to BDSM success and fun

Consent is definitely the key and one of the most important components in kink/BDSM play, community and lifestyle. Back in the day consent was rarely a factor and was often implied just by attending an event or being at a place or party. Consent was also often coerced or forced and the world in general was a much less safe place to feel comfortable in those situations. But times have changed and now Consent is King or Queen if you prefer. 

When we discuss Consent we can use the acronym FRIES. F is for freely given, R stands for reversible, I means informed, E means enthusiastic, and S is for specific. So if you can remember and implement this acronym you are well on your way To a happy and safe scene Or event.

Let’s discuss each of these parts.

Freely given! Which of course means there has been no coercion in any way. Everyone should always be given the opportunity to consent freely. Your comfort, safety and giving consent are your Responsibility and respecting consent is everyone’s responsibility. 

Reversible! Now this means consent can be taken back right before and during and can be taken back or reviewed daily is necessary but this must be expressed and all parties need to do regular check ins. It is definitely ok to change your mind and decide you no longer give consent, to a person or act. But keep in mind that if you have given consent and then changed your mind later you can not take back consent after the fact as the other parties were not informed. Though you may definitely not consent for next time but definitely have a conversation about this. Be clear about what you do and don’t want and please do not make anyone guess your intentions. That’s just not fair to anyone. 

Informed! Well informed is just that, informed. You and all parties are informed and have negotiated all activities involved. Which includes physical, mental and emotional activities or variables. If there is to be an element of surprise or mind fucking that does need to be negotiated. 

Enthusiastic! You should be giving your consent with excitement and enthusiasm. Never to be  coerced or forced. If someone is unsure or hesitant, this is definitely not enthusiasm. You should never be talked into any situation. Enthusiastic participants are always safer and the scene will be more enjoyable for everyone. Bring me your enthusiasm and lets have some fun.

Specific! What is the plan for this scene? This is also part of negotiations. What will happen in the scene, who will be a part of it and what are the hard limits, what do you want to try and what will be the communication if things aren’t going well and consent changes. This is where constant check ins are important as well.

Remember that consent is extremely important and should never be taken lightly. But also remember that consent applies to many many areas of life like sex or sexual touching of any kind, even hugs or any type of touching. The key is to always be respectful of others rite to be treated how they expect and want to be treated and touched. Remember Consent is King/Queen!